Too much gin, very little bucket
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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