Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
