I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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