Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
