Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
