just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
