My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
