that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
