It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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