best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
