She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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