we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
