I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize