just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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