Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
