no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
