just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
