Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
