Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
