Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
