haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
