My room smells like vodka and shame
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize