Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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