I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
