I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
