god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My vagina is officially offended.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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