Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
