I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
