Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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