Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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