theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
