No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
