I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
