A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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