You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
