I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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