I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
