a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
