he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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