oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize