Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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