how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
