Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
