moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
