You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
