she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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