I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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