i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
