nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
operation have a gay friend backfired
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize