he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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