so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
