I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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