It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize