just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My ass is underappreciated
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
