Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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