Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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