everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize