we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
