My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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