u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
