i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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