You're so nebulous sometimes
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
