nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
