Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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