Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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