when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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