if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
