I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
