May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
