I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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