I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
