i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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