Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize