i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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