I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
