Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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