You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize