the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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