Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
