You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
