Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
