Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
