My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
