I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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