you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
