You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
