Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
