That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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