how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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