First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize