Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There's always time for handjobs
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize