Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
