so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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