Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
