Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
