i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize