He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
