No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
