:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
