She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
