please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
