The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
