i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
