I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
