As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
