I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
