His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize