I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
