I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
