Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
