somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize