New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
